What Is Narcissism and How Can You Spot a Narcissist

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Many of you made heard of narcissists or narcissistic behavior and may ask, “What is narcissism?”, “How can I spot a narcissist?” or, “How can I avoid a narcissist?”

When you know what to look for, you may realize you’re either living with a narcissist, working with one, or may have a parent who exhibited narcissistic behaviors.

Narcissism in not gender specific and although it is not always easy to spot a narcissist, here are a few instances where you may have been dealing with a narcissist and didn’t know it:

If you

• have worked with a demanding boss who made you feel inadequate

• were raised by a domineering parent who had to be right about everything

• dated someone who demanded lots of emotional maintenance but rarely reciprocated

• had family members who challenged and criticized incessantly

• were friends with someone who seemed to require you walk on eggshells around them,

you were more than likely dealing with a narcissist.

Lori Hoeck, of Think Like a Black Belt, and I have written “The Narcissist: A User’s Guide ” to help you understand why a narcissist would be seeking to prey upon you. We’ve gathered stories that illustrate the bewildering ways a narcissist will manipulate circumstances to blame you for everything and make you believe it. You’ll be able to see how a narcissist will use your weak points and words against you for control in the relationship. But more importantly, this e-book is going to help you fight your way out of a harmful situation.

Most people enter adulthood with a fair amount of naïveté. Seeking love and acceptance, they may put up with bad behavior from others. Many will seek approval from their peers or look for an authoritative mentor. Some will think they can change a difficult person with loving kindness. All of these circumstances can be more dangerous than a run-of-the-mill encounter might first suggest. They all signify potential for exploitation to a narcissist.

narcissist mockup1 300x232What Is Narcissism and How Can You Spot a NarcissistNarcissists can present themselves in almost any venue. Their method of building themselves up at the expense of others is, paradoxically, rooted in their own low self-esteem. Somewhere, at a very young age, a narcissist begins to think that he or she is inferior to others. That inferiority complex morphs into an ever-increasing need to validate themselves. They do this by putting you down. The lower you are in the pecking order, the higher they can be by comparison. If you buy into the false scenario they’ve constructed, they’ll continue. The process depletes you and feeds them. They are emotional vampires.

The more Lori and I observed and studied narcissistic behavior, the more we realized how prevalent it is. Even if you’ve never dealt with a narcissist, chances are you may know someone who has, or who is currently battling this toxic dynamic. Curiously, though, there are few resources to obtain help, and many of those are more suitable for medical professionals, psychotherapists and counselors.

We know our concise User’s Guide, which turns the tables on the toxic dynamic, can provide needed information and hope.

We’re making the e-book available for free download so that it can easily get to anyone who might benefit.

Defending against a narcissist and leaving the relationship may be the most difficult things someone may face. The most important thing we can do for someone who is involved in a narcissistic relationship is offer support and a respite from the dysfunction. The Narcissist: A User’s Guide provides encouragement, strategies and tips that can be implemented to neutralize and, ultimately, negate a narcissist’s influence.

Download your free copy of “The Narcissist” here.

The Narcissist: A User’s Guide is on Facebook here and on Squidoo here.

This post was written by Betsy Wuebker, author of “Passing Thru” (the blog) and co-author of “The Narcissist” (the free ebook)

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February 2, 2010 by Barbara Swafford
Filed under: Archives, Being Safe, Great Books, Helping Others, Worth Reading 

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4 Comments on What Is Narcissism and How Can You Spot a Narcissist

  1. Lori Hoeck on Wed, 3rd Feb 2010 7:35 am

    2. Hi Barbara,
    Thank you so much for letting us use this platform to get the word out about narcissists. So many people tell Betsy and me, “I sure wish I’d had this information years ago!”

    And thank you for ALL your Soc. Med. support and encouragement!

  2. Barbara Swafford on Thu, 4th Feb 2010 10:51 pm

    3. Hi Lori,

    It’s my pleasure. The book is absolutely fabulous. Thank you and Betsy for all the hard work you’ve put into it and for enlightening all of us.

  3. Dealing with Critical People | What's It Take Blog on Wed, 17th Feb 2010 11:37 am

    4. [...] What Is Narcissism and How Can You Spot a Narcissist (observationmountain.com) [...]

  4. Manhattan on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 12:18 pm

    5. I think the best thing to do with a narcissist is just to beat them in something right away, to prove they’re not all that great. Otherwise their ego will just keep building as time goes on.

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